


The Chiral Coffin

by kingsofleon2112



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Age Difference, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Deaf Character, Death, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loss of Parent(s), Murder, Physical Abuse, Revenge, Sexual Abuse, Telekinesis, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:47:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22914976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingsofleon2112/pseuds/kingsofleon2112
Summary: After accidentally reaching out to a random stranger, Valerie, an extremely gifted and powerful but troubled young woman grows increasingly tired of her Daddy's controlling methods to keep her isolated. Awkwardly enough, Higgs Monaghan quickly becomes the one and only friend she's ever had, finally finding the companionship she has so desperately craved for.Higgs is slowly trying to pick up the pieces and find new solace in any purpose after being abandoned by Amelie, finding a way off the beach and returning to his shelter. Meeting Valerie through telepathic messages sent to him through a white board was the absolute last and final thing he ever expected to happen but he's quick to realize that he is also just as desperate for a true bond and companionship.He never expected to ever get to meet her in person. Never expected her to escape out of an underground complex and crumble it to pieces and make the trek out of the mountains to search for him. Most of all, he never expected to have the ability to care about someone as much as he does her.
Relationships: Higgs Monaghan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Valerie

Valerie’s arms ached horribly against the newly placed 'feeding tubes' gouged into her forearms and biceps, dangling freely from the ceiling above. Her puncture wounds were an angry swollen red, burning with every move that she made. A few of them were still adjusting to the skin around them, a slight trickle of sticky black tar drizzling down onto the table. Daddy assures that it's to help her, to aid in coping with her progressing DOOMS but she hardly believes him. Just another lie to conceal his true intentions. 

She sits waiting patiently in an observation room, nothing but the hum of the blinding LED lights keeping her company. Her session of expectation is brought to an abrupt halt when her father walks in, two neatly wrapped gift boxes in each hand. She corrects her posture immediately, sitting up straight in her chair against her screaming muscles crying out in protest. She does not dare exude the pain that she was in.  _ Giving in to your pain makes you weak, my dear. You must push through it… _

"Morning, darling." Her father greets her, his hands too full to sign to her. She'd learned a long time ago to read lips so it didn't make any difference to her. Being deaf didn't stop her from being able to comprehend. 

"Morning, Daddy." She signs, her eyes completely focused and devoted to her father's being. Daddy did not like to be ignored.

"And how is my bright eyed baby girl on this special day?" He asks verbally but signs to her at the same time after placing down the gift wrapped boxes in front of her.

"I'm okay." She lies but he doesn't need to know. "Special day?" She continues, narrowing her gaze and shrugging her shoulders in confusion.

"Yes, sweetheart, don't you remember? It's your birthday! Daddy thought since you've done such a good job progressing on the assessments that he would grant you something in a reward. My big girl deserves a treat!" He exclaims brightly, shoving the presents gently towards her. "Well, go on! Open them! It's not every day that you turn 19!"

Valerie doesn't get presents that often. Actually, it was downright rare for her daddy to treat her like an actual functioning human being rather than another one of his experiments. Where this random gesture of compassion had come from she doesn't know but she was not about to complain or argue on the matter. She wasn't allowed to talk back anyways. Daddy didn't like it.

She does as she's told, pulling off the neatly tied ribbon from the first gift box and ripping open the wrapping paper. A plain white box enclosed with a lid withheld a massive stack of complex coloring books with intricate shapes and environments, filled with more than enough pages that would keep her busy for hours on end. Coloring mediums had been provided as well from fine liners to brush tip markers, each set complete with every color of the inverted rainbow, even the absent blue. Against her aching limbs, she claps excitedly, a beaming grin perched on her lips at her more than generous gift. And this was only box number one.

"Daddy knows how much you love to color so hopefully that will keep you busy for a while." She nods assuredly. "Open the other one."

Again, she tears open the colorful paper and opens the box to reveal it's contents. Laying inside was a white board, lined in a graph format with faint blue lines, large enough to sit in her lap and encased in a, what she knows as a very  _ special _ substance known as chiral crystals, the outer rim laced in a sparkling gold. She can't help but stare at it, the light reflecting strongly off the glimmering metal. 

"Daddy knows how much you like to draw too so I thought this would be just as good of an addition." 

She gawks at her newly acquired materials in giddy awe, too many ideas and thoughts running through her mind to focus solely on one, forgetting to acknowledge Daddy of his words.

"Valerie." He hums her name telepathically and it immediately pulls her out of her admiration for her new things, reminding herself of the adult in the room.

"Yes, Daddy. Sorry. Thank you for these wondrous gifts. I will cherish them." She signs, anxious in her seat. She could hardly wait to get back to her private quarters and study each line, every curve, swatch every color…

Her father lets out a more than pleased chuckle, clearly happy with her reaction. "Now, I know you're excited sweetie and you will get to play all you want but I must remind you to remember to take extra good care of your things. We wouldn't want a repeat of what happened last time now, would we?"

The excitement and glee is drained completely from her face at the reminder and she fights the urge to slump back in her seat. She doesn't like being reminded of it, how she lost control during a test which led to her father expressing harshly how disappointed he was and taking away the very few things she had from her in punishment. His hurtful words, demeaning and insulting always affected her greatly, the bad always outweighing what little good she held onto. It wasn't right, she's fully aware but she has little choice in the matter, practically being kept prisoner in this unnerving lab that had been her home since the day she was born.  _ It's to keep you safe sweetheart. To ensure that you don't accidentally hurt yourself… or anyone else…  _

"No, Daddy. I wouldn't." She gestures, her fear driving her grounding. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her father as he's kept her in fear of losing her possessions, not to mention damaging isolation. It was to be done his way… or none at all.

Her father stands calmly, rounding the edge of the table to stand in front of her. His hand reaches out for her, his fingers curling under her chin and turning her face towards him, his grip firm against her milky pale skin.

"Daddy loves you, you know that. I don't know why you want to disappoint me so much. Daddy takes care of you, ensures that you have food and water, a place to sleep at night. You should be so fortunate. The world is a scary, dangerous, unpredictable place, Val. You should feel grateful. You're grateful, aren't you, baby girl?" His dark eyes bore in hers, his fingertips digging slightly harder against her fragile skin, asserting his dominance over her small frame. 

"Yes, Daddy. I'm forever grateful to you." She signs, her heart beating quickly against the wall of her chest. She's trying her best to control her shaky breathing, her stomach in knots at her growing anxiety in fear. His hands were firm now but she's aware of what they're capable of. She does not want another repeat of last time that left her in the infirmary for two weeks…

"Yes, of course you are, my darling." He hums, the pad of his thumb caressing over the surface of her chin, her pale gray eyes still staring up at him. "So pretty. Just like your mother was." He smiles at her with a poisonous grin, the intent in his eyes ill that makes her uncomfortable. Yet, praise is something she's only ever received from her father so it's the only thing she has to go on. Her father removes his hand and regathers himself. 

"Alright. You can go back to your room now. Don't forget your things. I'll have a nurse bring you your breakfast. Daddy has a lot of work to do today." He tells her before bending down and planting a gentle kiss onto her cheek. "Daddy loves you. Do you love me?" He signs before tucking strands of loose blonde hair behind her ear. 

"I love you." She signs in response, followed up with a fake assuring smile that she knows he likes to see. It pleases him and as he's satisfied in his yearned for response, he turns to go. 

It was like she had been holding her breath the entire time as she slumps back into her seat, heart beating a mile a minute through fueled breaths. She knows this generosity is only temporary, she'd do something to mess it all up eventually. But for now, she doesn't want to dwell on it and proceeds to gather her new items and heads out the door down the long winding hallway in escape to her room, the hanging wires above her siphoning along with her as she walked.

Her room, her only refuge in this massive underground complex. She wastes no time to sit at the provided desk and start working on a page, one that was sure to be quite difficult. That was no qualm though, the more complex for her, the better. She spends hours of her day there, hammering away at her chosen coloring page, only stopping to go to the bathroom and eat. The next thing she knows, it's almost curfew and only has a few moments before the required resting time was to be put into effect. It's only then that she realizes that she hadn't even bothered to try out the dry erase board. Just something quick to try out the markers, she thinks before picking two colors, a vibrant pink and green, edging on neon.

_ A B C D E _ . She marks in playful, puffy and balloon like bold lettering, the twists and curves of each letter making her smile. 

Another vibrating warning alerted her from her wrist let , reminding her of the bedtime. She wastes no time in hopping out of her seat and climbing into bed, the covers enveloping her as her warmth spread, what little she had at least. The 'feeding tubes' weren't a requirement while she was in her room so it's freelance to move around and try and get comfortable. It's not much to hang on though, the tubes would be replaced as soon as morning struck, the never ending mundane routine being kept in place. At least she had something new to look forward to though. Maybe finish the page she started, or start a new one? 

She wishes her mother were still with her. Wishes she could show her her new presents. Maybe they could have worked on a page together, take turns while they ate like they used to… Valerie misses her mother dearly and holds no hope of ever seeing her again. Despite her father's ignorance, she wasn't stupid. She was dead, had to be, it had been way too long since the last time she had seen her. It's rare but she comes upon her mother every now and then on the beach. She's always delighted to see her when it does happen but her mother always tells her the same thing.

_ "You are not strong enough yet, my child. The day is upon you though. Be strong… and I will guide you, my dear." _

She doesn't get it, doesn't understand what her mother speaks of. Maybe she would find out, hopefully. With only this tiny speckle of hope, she tosses away into the night, willing sleep to find her easily.


	2. The Intruder Response

Higgs shuffles about his bunker slowly but surely, tossing papers and soiled pizza boxes into trash bags and replacing strewn about books back onto their proper homes on the shelves. He had been playing hermit in his private shelter for over three weeks after finding a way off of the beach because fuck that. Fuck all of that. He was not about to kill himself and he sure as shit was not about to spend the rest of his days on that desolate beach, that frigid and hollow place. He half expected Fragile to finally notice and track him down but she never did. Maybe she thinks he's finally realized and learned his lesson. He doubts it. Or, maybe _this_ was the lesson. A life left in solitude and confinement. The small quarters of his bunker was cold and lonely itself but at least it was his. All his. He'd be damned if he let anyone take it away from him.

His intention to get off the beach was not to pick up where he left off but to simply just… well, he doesn't know. Obviously, there would be no more terrorist work or racing off to come about the end of the world. He had been a goddamn fool to trust Amelie and he should have totally seen that shit coming. He couldn't deny the power being given to him though. He had been powerless for the majority of his life.

It was done, over with. Amelie was gone, the final stranding held off with one last final effort and life seemed to pick back up where he left it off as it should be. The disappointment and resentment Higgs held with himself was eating him alive and being back in this bunker with his 'shrine' every which way he turned, his obsessive writing sprawled on the walls, paper clippings hung everywhere all pieced together by miles of red twine was not making it any better for him. What little choice he had though, he had no where else to go but home. He had grown increasingly tired of it though and was making a good effort to clean up the place. Taking the pictures of Sam down, removing the twine and tossing the thumb tacks into piles of trash bags. He's still debating on whether to paint the walls or not. He'd look into that on a different day. 

Higgs sports a rather hateful scowl as he wipes the dry erase board free of his manic plans. _Such a fool_ , he thinks to himself. _You weren't fooling anyone but yourself_.

His stomach rumbles horribly against its vast emptiness. He's been rationing out the remainder of his food, the only thing left now being a half a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter but that was just the thing. He was running out of food and he still doesn't think it's been long enough to go putting in orders for more. He doesn't think anyone knows about his pseudonym and could just easily put in an order for basic supplies without his name throwing up any red flags. Yet, Sam knows. He had told him in a written email. He's paranoid but if Sam had given two shits, he would have sent someone off to go and detain him after the fact. He assumes Sam's just keeping it a secret which is just fine with him. Still though, he was getting painfully hungry, the kind of hungry that gave him a headache and left him nauseated, a sensation he knew all too well. His 'daddy' used to starve him all the time but now there was no excuse for it. And he's desperately craving artificial milk and cereal… and granola and corn dogs and pizza...

_Just go put the order in Higgs, for fuck's sake. Do you really want to snack on bread and peanut butter again all night?_

Higgs sighs heavily, wiping off the last from the white board, his stomach lurching and groaning at him angrily again before he gives up and makes his way to the request panel, spending over half an hour picking through the endless categories and search queries to put in a large order for food and supplies to be delivered to him. He hopes the porter bringing him his materials doesn't recognize the name Peter Englert. 

It had taken his order a while to sift through the others but eventually someone had picked it up and promptly left his supplies at his shelter door a day later, per his request. He had waited a substantial amount of time before opening the door, certain that the porter had taken off by then. He's mindful to throw the porter in some extra on their pay, as well as a few more likes than usual. He knew how important that was, having been a porter himself.

Three bowls of deliciously sweet cereal later, he's back on his feet, attending to his still messy bunker. He ultimately agrees on repainting the walls. Clean home, clean slate. _Hardly_ , he thinks with a scoff.

He's working on the second coat having made it halfway across the room when something strange catches his eye after he goes to refill his roller pan. It didn't make any sense, he _knows_ he wiped the dry erase board clean the day before. He's at a loss for all words, gaping in dumbfounded awe as he stares at the letters drawn out on his white board, definitely in handwriting that was not his own.

It wasn't possible.

It couldn't have been.

He knows fear. He knows what it's like to be scared to death, literally having been inches from it many times before after his 'daddy' beat him for asking too many questions. He had worked hard to shake that part of himself off his skin yet now he stands frozen in his spot, the tiny hairs raised on end on his forearms and the back of his neck as he glares at the message on his board.

**_A B C D E_ **

Higgs' heart is nearly beating out of his chest at the… person? trying to reach out to him. _Of course it's a person, idiot! They know how to write, don't they!_ With paint stained hands, he leaves the roller pan to the floor and slowly approaches the white board. The message was short but prominent on the empty plane of the board, the lettering neat but eloquently drawn in a puffy style, traced in colors he didn't even own. He even looks down to check, the only color he ever bought being black. Couldn't have been a kid's, he's nearly sure of it but he doesn't toss the idea out completely. 

Who was this? Why were they trying to reach out to him? And _how_ were they doing it? Some connection to the beach, maybe?

His hand seems to move without his mind telling him to when he picks up the marker from the shelf, almost pulling off the cap to write back when his better judgement wards him off. What if this was a trap, Fragile fucking with him after finding out he had escaped the beach? He'd deserve it but he doubts this was her. He doesn't know how long he stands there milling over a response, his brain literally going numb at the over thought process. He returns the marker to its place, deciding to ignore the message for now. Maybe it was a mistake, it had just come to him by accident. He erases the neat print, willing his mind to forget all about it. He had to admit though, it had been pretty, gleaming shades of pink and green he didn't see very often. 

However, it keeps popping into his mind, keeping him from sleep even against the exhaustion he felt. He lets out a frustrated groan as he tosses and turns, stretched out on his bed, his limbs taking up the whole surface. He was not about to be curled up and cowering in a ball like he did when he was a kid. 

Whether it had been out of pure aggravation or curiosity, Higgs eventually gives up and stands up and out of the warmth from his bed and glides back over to his white board. The cap is off before he can argue with himself further, responding to the message that had come to him earlier.

**_F G H I J_ **

He sprawls out in continuation of the alphabet they started. Sadly, his handwriting was not as gorgeous as their artful letters had been but at least it was something. He thoughtlessly grins at his witty response, still in disbelief that he was even bothering in the first place. Losing it… he was going out of his fucking mind and this time it wasn't his DOOMS. He wonders who this person was, what they looked like, the reaction if they ever found out that they were conversing with a sham, a farce that once did the unthinkable to gain undeniable control, selfishly and greedily. 

The following morning was not the fresh start for him that he wanted it to be. Having fallen asleep on the floor while waiting in front of the white board, Higgs’ neck was achingly sore as he awoke and began to adjust, spikes of jolting pain hitting him as he shuffles in his spot before he suddenly remembers and lifts his gaze. It's the same jolt of fear he had felt the day before but this time, laced more with slight excitement. 

**_K L M N O. You know the alphabet well._ **

He grins giddly at their sarcasm, the first real smile he's mustered in what seems like years. However, at the same time he's so used to being alone that this slight invasion has him on edge, his nerves burning under his skin. He's not sure what to do. He could respond but he knows, once he started, it would never end. Again, he's met with the question…

_Why him?_

_Too late Monaghan. You've already initiated._ Against his better judgement and his walls screaming at him to keep them thrown up, Higgs hesitantly climbs up off the floor and picks up the marker once more, lifts his clenched hand to the white board and writes…

**_Most people do._ **

He's expecting to have to leave the marker and the board and wait a while but he's surprised that their response is met quickly with his, fading into his view.

**_Maybe. I caught you at a time where we're both awake. Hi._ **

Higgs chuckles in disbelief, shaking his head. This was ridiculous. He's standing here, talking through his goddamn dry erase board…

**_Hello._ ** Higgs scribbles back.

**_Who are you?_ **

Higgs' grin broadens.

**_You wrote first. Who are you?_ **

**_Fair enough. I'm Valerie. Can you tell me your name?_ **

So, a girl. Higgs hesitates a moment, milling over whether he should say 'Peter' or 'Higgs' before finally giving in.

**_Higgs._ **

**_Higgs… you seem nice._ **

He can't help but let out a roaring chuckle at that. No, he wasn't nice. Not any more. Not like he used to be…

**_You're pretty brave to be reaching out to a stranger. Just so we're on the same page, how old are you?_ ** He writes. 

**_I'm 19 and we're not strangers anymore._ **

_Shit, she's young_ , Higgs thinks. And damn desperate for information it seems.

**_You by yourself Higgs?_ **

This was becoming quite intriguing to him, having someone to talk to.

**_What’s it to you? Looking to track me down?_ **He cautiously asks. 

**_No. Why would I do that?_ **

Higgs smirks but is shaking his head. _Oh, there are plenty of reasons… but she’s only a kid, Higgs… lighten up a little._

**_Yes, I live alone._ **He admits whether it might have been a mistake or not. He finds it funny that she hadn't asked his age. Maybe she doesn't care.

**_Do you dream about the beach?_ **She asks.

Well, well, well, right to the point.

**_Sometimes. You've got DOOMS?_ **

**_Yes. My nightmares are getting worse._ **

So, her abilities were progressing. He remembers how scary that was for him himself.

**_Welcome to the club._ **He replies with a smirk.

**_Ha ha._ **

**_How are you communicating with me like this?_ **

**_The beach, I guess. Plus, I'm kind of doing it with my mind, if that makes any sense._ **

**_You mean, telepathically._ **

**_Yes. I suppose._ **

_Interesting_ , Higgs thinks. _She's more far along than stated. Yet she never stated her level of DOOMS… maybe she doesn’t know._

**_You make a fun time out of beach hopping?_ ** Higgs asks, still holding onto some of that agitation of intrusion. 

**_No. It's not fun. It makes me weak, drains me._ **

**_Then, why do it?_ **

**_This wasn't supposed to happen. An accident, I guess. I won't lie to you though, it's nice to finally have someone to talk to. I always knew there was someone else out there. There are others, right? A whole world out there?_ **

_Finally?_ Higgs thinks, confused.

**_Finally? You don't have anyone else?_ **

**_No._ ** **_Daddy_ ** **_won't allow me to have friends._ **

The blood in his veins seems to lose all it's comforting warmth, turning into ice under his skin. He has to read over her last statement so many times that he seems to have burned it into his mind. 

' _Daddy won't allow me to have friends…'_

_'Daddy won't allow me to have friends…'_

_'Daddy controls me…'_

_Daddy_ . A five lettered word he never wanted to see again, didn't even want to speak of it. _His_ had been a piece of shit, lowest of the low, the scum of the Earth as he had made his very self into. He had been anything but loving, beating him within an inch of his life when he'd asked about the world outside the shelter, so certain that those four walls wasn't the end all, be all. His breath had reeked of alcohol and Higgs can almost feel that same breath right against his face, the aroma alone could make him nauseous, the slobbering spit hitting his cheeks as he screamed at him, bubbling up memories he couldn't seem to let go of. He had spent many a night shivering on his cot, freezing and crying himself to sleep, repeatedly asking the question, why, why me?

He doesn't doubt with utmost certainty that there was some form of abuse going on but to what extent, he doesn't know. It's sprung up feelings he had long thought he was incapable of, his stomach churning at the thought of one more victim, helpless and trapped like he had been so long ago. 

**_How old are you?_ **She asks.

**_A lot older than you, kid._ **

**_Come on. Try me. I want to know. Please?_ **

_**34.**_ He replies. She must have not expected such a wide gap that she doesn’t write back right away. Higgs fears that he’s scared her off but he’s reassured when she finally responds.

**_Wow, you weren’t kidding. It doesn’t bother me though. I have to go. Can we be friends, Higgs? Can I talk to you later, if that’s not too much to ask?_ **

Higgs is quite taken aback by her bold request. She hardly knew him yet was eagerly desperate to keep in contact with him. Which only raises even more red flags for him. Did she really have no one? What if… _what if she was just like he had been?_ Caged and cornered in an isolated bunker somewhere out in the middle of god knows where. What extent of abuse was happening… physical, psychological… perhaps sexual…

He shudders at the thought, not wanting to ponder on the idea further. 

**_Yes. I’ll be here later whenever you decide to return._ **It’s all he can promise her at the moment. After being betrayed and abandoned so many times from before, he’s not too sure if he could handle the possibility of such distrust happening once again. He was not going to be made a fool out of ever again. And besides, it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.

Several hours pass between Higgs' last sent message and Valerie's small plea. Wanting to keep his mind and hands occupied, he finishes painting the rest of the walls, redoing areas where he hadn't laid down the paint thick enough. His attempts to keep his mind distracted though fall less than short. _Valerie, Valerie, Valerie… fuck, she's so young. 19 years old. Cute name… well, kinda. Better than yours. Higgs… who names their kid Higgs??? Ugh._

Still, in the meantime while he waited on her, he continued to clean up his place, maybe rearrange a few things that he had been meaning to but kept putting off. He showers later on, taking extra time to let the steaming hot water beat at his tense shoulders. He'd be sore in the morning from all the painting. It isn't until he's attending to his overgrown beard that he notices that his eyebrows are finally starting to come back in. _Oh good. Maybe now you won't look like such a jackass. Doubtful, though._ Higgs sighs as he finishes off the last, not daring to peer at himself any further if he didn't have to. 

He had been checking the dry erase board erratically earlier but now as he's finally winding down for the night and pulling his favorite hoodie over his head, he realizes he hasn't looked in a bit. He's stupid to get his hopes up as he looks over. _She doesn't really want to talk to you, just some desperate kid wanting to get her kicks off._ His demeaning thoughts take over once more, something he had become damagingly good at. Yet his eyes find a new message forwarded to him and he's nearly stumbling over his feet to start up the conversation again. _Geez Monaghan, desperate much?_

**_P Q R S T_ **

She had written in a brand new color, a sapphire blue, followed by a happily drawn smiley face. 

**_U V W X Y Z_ **

Higgs follows up and finishes the alphabet. He hopes he hadn't been leaving her hanging for too long while he had been in the shower.

**_Not fair, that's one more letter extra!_ **

The beaming smile that lifts at the corners of his ever present frown surprises even him. This was good, this was definitely something good for him. It was a stretch but there was something good about Valerie. He could sense it.

**_Got tired of pink and green huh?_ **He asks, referring to her color switch.

**_No, just something different. Testing out my new markers. My birthday yesterday apparently._ **

**_Ah, so brand new 19. You feel old yet?_ **

**_You feel old at 34?_ **

Higgs giggles at that, reminding himself of his sure to be sore muscles in the morning.

**_Sometimes._ **

**_34 isn't thaaaat old._ **She teases.

**_Wow, you sure do make an old man feel young._ **

**_HA_**.

She's quiet for a moment as Higgs waits patiently for her, his eyes glued to her manuscript. 

**_Sorry. Had to get in bed. Curfew._ **

Higgs furrows his brows at the mention.

**_You have a curfew? How many fuckin rules do you have to live by girl?_ **

**_LANGUAGE!_ ** She scolds and _god_ , this was becoming too much fun for Higgs.

**_What, you don't cuss? Wait, let me guess…_ **

**_Daddy says it's not very lady-like. Broke my finger when I was 6 years old after letting something slip that I heard from a mumbling nurse. Said if I ever spoke such obscenities again that he'd break more than just my fingers next time._ **

Well, there goes the fun. The life drains from his face in an instant. _This guy seems like a royal fuckin dickhead,_ Higgs thinks. He'd like to slam this guy into a void out head on and not just for the fun of it this time either. Yet, it had _never_ been fun, all that bullshit he had done for a false promise and empty hope.

**_Well, I'm not your father. And Higgs says it's okay. Really, I don't mind. You can say whatever you like. It can be our little secret._ **

Little does he know that he was going to become the biggest secret she had ever kept from her father.

What Higgs would have given to have something like this when he was her age. Maybe it's why he ultimately decides to stick around. 

**_Alright, our secret. Sounds good to me. And yes, there are a lot of fucking rules I have to abide by._ **

Higgs rolls out a satisfied chuckle. _A bad influence on her already..._

**_So, what’s the outside world like Higgs? Not as barren as my father has led me to believe, I presume?_ **

**_You’ve never been outside?_ **

**_Nope. Never. There's an ‘outside’ though, right?_ **

_Jesus, this poor girl_ , Higgs thinks. So she really was trapped and isolated, the realization pulling at the strings of Higgs heart, the few he had left anyways. 

It was easy to lose himself in conversation with her, describing the layout of the planet now after the Death Stranding, what it had done to ecosystems. It wasn’t all bad though and he wants to reassure her on that. So much she hasn’t gotten to experience though, the warming glow of a sunset, the smell of freshly soaked soil, the jagged and rough lines on the horizon of the mountains. So much he would grow to want to show her.

So much so that he spends the following few months chatting with her every single day, morning and night, finding new aspirations in not only needing to be there for her but wanting to as well. He finally had something to look forward to in this meaningless chasm that he called his life. 

He prided himself in finding out anything and everything he could about her. She was deaf, had been since the day she was born. Her father was an abusive piece of shit which he assumed but this level of abuse surpassed the damaging level he had experienced. Valerie’s father has been purposefully keeping her ill by pumping tar into her bloodstream, the chiralium poisoning no doubt being what was keeping her weak all in attempts to find the answer to her DOOMS so he could not only cure her of it but harness it’s power for his own use. A massive underground complex in which she called home though, she couldn’t have been the only one her father was performing experiments on, Higgs was certain of it. How she hasn’t lost her mind completely is a wide mystery to him but it’s probably because her DOOMS level is so elevated. Ironically, it was keeping her alive. Yet, she remained hopeful despite her inescapable situation. 

He grew to like her. A lot. He became fond of her cheerful greetings first thing in the mornings followed by some articulate drawing of a flower that pained him to eventually have to erase to free up space. Even began looking into and teaching himself a little bit of sign language. His pen pal, his new found friend, someone he would actually build to trust in as little time as it was. It felt like years though. He daydreamed about a girl, well, a _woman_ he’s never seen before, dreamed of a faceless and shapeless body. Dreamed of the day they’d finally get to meet in person and the overwhelming urge to free her of that prison and to keep her safe. He dared anyone to try and take her away from him. 

Although, he hardly realizes just how powerful she really is, doesn’t even know it herself until she’s pushed way over the edge. The day of their eventual encounter coming to a close sooner rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some WILD shit is coming! Thanks for reading or for even coming back! 
> 
> My tumblr: https://crystaldwightsworld.tumblr.com/


	3. The Deity of Disarray

To say that the last few months had been some of the best in her life was a serious understatement. She kept the facade up and going well though, not daring to want to give any suspicions away to her father. For once in her gloom of a life, she had something really good going for her with Higgs. Yet with every happy moment she shared with him, the countless games of tic-tac-toe they had played after he had taught her how, there was still something else that she longed for, something that she craved. She desperately wanted to be with him in person, growing incessantly tired of the long distance platonic relationship. There was a whole world out there according to Higgs and she didn't find it fair to be kept here against her will. Higgs got to live and be on his own, why couldn't she?

**_Don’t worry, there’s more than tic-tac-toe to play. I can teach you how to play cards. You like board games?_ **

Despite the lows, she was absolutely not about to complain. At least she  _ had  _ someone, finally, after all these years of wishing and pining for companionship. 

Sadly, her nightmares continued to grow progressively worse. She always ends up on the beach but it's not the comforting place that she had known it to be. Giants shambled through the deep waters, walking the barren Earth as if they owned the place. Gold coated titan BTs suffocated the planet, hundreds and thousands of them in tow, all of them, every single one of them being led by one sole being, dragging and pulling them in front by long conjoined tar soaked strands. She never catches a glimpse of who this mysterious person is yet they are always drenched in vicious tar, lacquered hands grabbing and crowding at their feet as they emerge out of the swallowing inky liquid, the chiralium pooling and misting off of their skin like smoke. Visions of the end of the world caused her great distress, bringing on bouts of restlessness and insomnia. Luckily Higgs had still been awake a few of the times when she had woken up in a silent cry and sweating, her chiralium contaminated tears staining her pillows. 

**_Higgs? Are you there? Still awake?_ ** She quickly scrawls onto her tablet. Ever since she had been introduced to Higgs she had been keeping it by her side in bed every night for instances such as these. 

**_Yep. Still kickin. What's up, you have another nightmare?_ ** Higgs responds. Valerie's heart is still thudding against the wall of her chest in fright but Higgs's somewhat present company does calm her nerves a little, grateful that he could be there to console her. Higgs had become a comforting escape for her, each day passing just as quickly as the day before in waiting for the few moments that they would get to chat together. 

**_BTs. What do they look like?_ ** She boldly asks. The sudden question has Higgs a little perplexed as he rubs at his tired eyes. His own insomnia had kept him from sleep.

**_Why? You been dreamin’ about them?_ **

**_How can I dream about things I've never seen, never witnessed?_ **

**_Nightmares about the beach are different. Think of it as a big ol’ fuck you in the form of a care package in relation to DOOMS. Consider yourself lucky. BTs are horrible, dangerous creatures. Not their fault though. They're stuck here. I've seen my fair share._ ** He tells her but it hardly answers her question.

**_But how big are they? Are they huge?_ ** Valerie persists, maneuvering in bed to pull the blankets back over her chilled shoulders.

**_Huge? What did you see? How big are we talkin’?_ **

**_They're massive. Gigantic. Would make someone like me look like a speckle on the surface of the ground._ ** She confesses. 

**_Holy shit, you're talkin’ about Titan Catchers. And they? There's more than one?_ ** Higgs repeats, even more mystified at the details of her nightmares. He's witnessed a titan catcher before but there's only ever been one. 

**_There's multiple. They're everywhere. What are they? And catchers? What are they catching?_ **

Higgs hesitates a moment, inhaling a heavy breath of exhaustion. Part of him doesn’t want to tell her but it was inevitable that she’d eventually find out for herself. If she was dreaming about them, she was bound to be smart enough to shift the pieces of the puzzle together. She really had no idea how lucky she really was to not know about BTs but at the same time, Higgs would take life in solitude on his own terms than ever go back to that stifling bunker his uncle had tried to keep him trapped in.

**_Not that you need to take what your father tells you with a grain of salt, he’s kind of right. This world, out here, it’s dangerous Val. It’s not just the BTs you have to worry about. MULES, terrorists, dead bodies going necro, chiralium contamination… there’s so much I wouldn’t be able to outright write out to you. At least, it’d be difficult._ **

Valerie huffs out a defeated breath at Higgs’ answer. Clearly, it was not the one she had been hoping for. She wished that there was another way, that they could talk in person. She could always attempt it but she hardly thinks she’d be able to reach him. There was no telling how far apart they were from each other and with how weak she already was, it might make things worse. Plus, she’d be  _ breaking  _ the rules.

_ “You are not strong enough yet, my child. _ ” She recalls her mother’s calm voice reminding her. Why, why wasn’t she strong enough yet? Why couldn’t she be now, when it mattered the most. The frustration and disappointment pull at her chest as more thwarted tears spill down her cheeks, the need to break free of this incessant cage, the ball and chain that kept her in the dark for so long becoming too much for her to continue to keep baring as she throws herself against her pillow, crying and wailing in her despair, wallowing in hopelessness.

It pained Higgs to give her such an empty response and he can almost tell that it was not what she was looking for as she’s gone quiet. Suddenly without warning, he feels his chest constrict, a dull yet ever present ache building under the thick wall of his heart, the intensity growing by each second. It takes him completely off guard and  _ goddamn _ , it hurt. At first he doesn’t have a clue what it could possibly be, a heart attack maybe. The sharpness in his chest becomes almost too much for him to handle as he has to lean against the wall for support while grunting out a pained cry. An involuntary tear rolls out of the corner of his eye and makes it halfway down his cheek before his hand reaches up to wipe it away but as he pulls his fingers away to survey them, he finds his digits coated in tar stained tears, tears he hadn’t managed since…  _ since… _

Back in her room, Valerie violently pushes up off the mattress suddenly in a bout of rage and agony. She could hardly take it any longer, she needed to at least try. So tired of being tied down, she sits up and crosses her legs under each other. Closing her eyes and doing her best to clear her mind, she wills her mind to reach out for Higgs, his name sprawled out in massive bold letters in front of her, searching for the whereabouts of his location. His name repeats on loop in her mind over and over again, willing her powers to help her reach him and her hands balling up into strained fists as she struggled to call out to him, completely unaware of the pools of tar that had begun to surface and emerge under her feet, smothering the floor of her nearly empty room.

_ Higgs? Higgs? HiggsHiggsHiggsHiggs … HIGGS!? _

“ _ Eugh _ … Goddamn, what the fuck?” Higgs manages through a winced groan as he gathers himself and pushes off the wall but not before noticing the absolute mess strewn about on his white board. His name littered the surface of the board, drawn about wildly and askew hundreds of times. He stared at them almost dauntingly, lost in the absolute daze that was her manuscript calling and reaching out to him that it gives him quite the astounding fright when a voice rings his name rather loudly in his head, the sheer intensity of the reach making him jump, startling him. A voice…  _ her voice... no way… _

“V-Valerie?” He calls out to the barren air of his shelter. He can only imagine how ridiculous this must seem but he  _ knows _ he heard her, so much so that he’s trembling from the sudden call out. 

“ _ Higgs _ .” The voice reaches him once more, softer this time but just as intense.  _ God, her voice…  _ one of the gentlest he’d ever heard, the sweetness in her tone yanking at the strings of his mind, his ears desperate to hear more of it.

"Valerie." His lips speak, his voice shaking in wonderment. "Why? How-" He joyfully starts but suddenly feels dizzy and off balance before his legs completely give way, causing him to collapse onto the floor of his bunker, the warm grasp of sleep wrapping him in their arms, descending into darkness and blacking out, unconscious.

The sound of soft crashing waves against a shore line and the crisp smell of salt meet his senses when he wakes up on the beach. He registers immediately that this beach was unlike any other he had ever been to, the very first observation being how warm it felt. It almost reminded him of the comforting warmth of a hot spring yet he was not adorned in clothing for just how hot it was. He's immediately regretting wearing jeans and a turtle neck. 

As if the warmer temperature wasn't odd enough, the overall environment of this particular beach was quite unique. The sky was painted in various swirling colors consisting of pinks, purples, greens and blues. Hundreds of hermit crabs crawled and raced about the shoreline, their shells coated in chiral gold. Dolphins frolicked and played out in the sea, jumping in and out of the vividly bright water, their iridescent flesh sparkling in the sunlight and long lost Orcas wandered and traversed out further in the deeper waters. It was quite the sight, so much so that Higgs can’t even begin to fathom it’s brilliant charm, completely enamored in its beauty that he almost doesn't see her break into the corner of his view. With the beaming sun behind her shoulders, Valerie steps her way towards him from the sea, her long legs carrying her  _ on top _ of the water, the surface of the ocean being the ground she walked upon.

Despite his willing nerves, Higgs doesn't dare make a move as Valerie makes her way nearer to him. His heart is nearly beating out of his chest at the long awaited meeting, his eyes taking in the full sight of her being. 

She wore what looked to be a hospital gown or something similar to it, golden long blonde hair softly falling past her shoulders framing just how small her torso was. She was frail, almost too skinny to be deemed healthy which worried Higgs even more. Porcelain pale skin with a neutral undertone, stormy gray eyes and plump plush lips draw him in as she slowly approaches him, the sand sticking to her wet feet when she finally meets the shore. She was taller than he had imagined but so tiny in his regard. He towered over her easily yet he was the one feeling smaller right now.

" _ Hi Higgs. _ " Her inner voice meets his ears once again, her hands signing swiftly with her words and letters. Her greeting was devastatingly bright and cheerful, hardly able to contain her excitement in finally meeting her long distance friend. 

"H-Hi!" Higgs quickly greets her back, a beaming smile pulled up at his lips. He's still glaring at her in awe, the volume of her beauty surpassing whatever expectation he had previously formulated. "Um, I don't, um-", he stammers, unsure what to do with his hands. He hadn't gotten very far in his ASL research.

" _ It's okay, I can read your lips. _ " She assures him. She makes an attempt to get even closer to him, the closing of the distance between them having Higgs on edge, his chest shaking with each breath. He's unsure why he's so nervous but his pulse has definitely skyrocketed, unable to take his eyes off her beautiful face.

"Is… this  _ your  _ beach?" He asks. She nods in response, her eyes never leaving him for a second. 

"It sure beats the hell out of mine!" He gushes, Valerie smiling brightly at his admiration. 

She cautiously reaches out for his hand, her bony fingers touching and feeling his palm before curling them against his hand. Even on the beach, Higgs reels in her touch, the thought of someone wanting to willingly be near or close to him and her hand nestled safely in his more than overwhelming to him.

Her hand casually reaches up to one of his ears, her thumb smoothing over the small black stud adorned on one of his earlobes.

" _I didn't know boys could have these. My Mom had them. They were so pretty. Daddy would never let me have them._ _What were they called, um-- ?_ "

"Earrings." He finishes for her. She nods in compliance, utterly enamored herself in Higgs's appearance. Not exactly what she had been imagining then again she was not disappointed. Higgs notices her near obsessive gaze, as if she was trying to memorize every line, every angle and curvature of his facial structure, copying it to her memory. The blatant staring has him feeling exposed and vulnerable under her hypnotised gawking. 

"I, um, can do yours for you, if you like. I mean, if that's something you'd want, of course. You know, when we get to meet for real." He offers optimistically. She smiles wide, a smile as gorgeous as her beach was.  _ Too adorable, too pretty to be talking to someone of the likes of you,  _ Higgs thinks to himself. Although, his inner monologue does not go unnoticed.

" _ Why do you say that? _ " She asks, confused. He's a little perplexed himself at her question until he realizes she had  _ heard  _ him. 

"I, I mean, um-" Higgs tumbles over his words, searching for the right answer.

" _ You think I'm pretty? _ " She snoops, a silly grin perched on her lips as Higgs continues to find it difficult to explain himself. " _ What do you mean, 'someone of the likes of you'? Do you not deem yourself worthy? You shouldn't feel that way, Higgs. It is so nice to finally put a face to the one I’ve heard so much about! I never knew the guy I've been talking to was so handsome! _ " She unashamedly admits. And she meant it. Despite their age difference, Valerie quickly found him quite attractive. Higgs huffs out a nervous laugh at her appraisals, the complement staining the bridge of his nose pink.  _ Well, well, well, still getting embarrassed after all this time, Higgs? _

" _ You don't need to be embarrassed. _ " She assures him.

"How're you-"

" _I can channel your inner monologue but only if I want to perceive it. Sorry. I'll mind my own business._ _Your-- earrings? Do they hurt?_ " She asks, wanting to change the subject. Her observations had made Higgs a little flustered but she does not wish to make him feel uncomfortable. 

"Oh, no, not anymore. I've had them for a long time. It's not so bad, I promise. Just like a really hard pinch." He describes. Again, the staring is back but she's even more diligent to cut off what little space was still left between them, their bodies so close to one another that she can almost feel the heat radiating off his frame. 

“ _ I am glad to have you here with me Higgs. Maybe we can talk here from now on? _ " She muses, hopeful. The breeze picks up a little, blowing in more of the scent of the ocean and tussling about her bangs. She doesn't know about his trauma yet, the difficult confliction he felt with affection, especially it being given to him but it's a harmless hug when she wraps her arms around him in a much awaited embrace. Higgs freezes at the sudden show of affection, unsure how to react as his hands hover in mid air. Ultimately, he relents and hugs her back, his arm wrapped gently against the line of her shoulders. It's quite alarming though as he can feel how osseous she really was, the thin fabric of her gown doing little to hide just how malnourished she was. 

"Sure, yeah, that sounds-" He starts but is cut off by the cries of dying dolphins, leaping up and out of the water onto the shoreline, their bodies flopping in agony in trying to traverse back to the sea. The hermit crabs had even halted their race to the shore and just as he's about to voice an announcement about it, Valerie quickly pulls away from him, a look of panic and misery sharp in her eyes. The joyful smile has dropped from her lips completely, her eyes having fallen to the sand next to them, canting her ears almost as if she were trying to listen for something, despite not being able to hear. Something was wrong…

" _ Shit… I triggered the alarm! _ " 

Back in her room she hovered in mid air above the spot she had sat in but the room had begun to flood at an alarming rate, tar seeping through the cracks and violent strands of chiralium pooling and levitating off her skin. The chiral contamination had triggered an alarm alerting the guards of the possible leak. Her glazed over black glassy eyes find the door and the guards trying to no avail to get it open in panic. The chiralium levels spike in her system, igniting a fire in her she didn’t even know she had in herself as she reaches her arm out towards the door, her fingers spreading and barring the door shut as the guards throw their shoulders against it, trying to break in. She couldn’t let them get in, not while she was still on the beach with Higgs. Holding the door shut with her mind, her legs unfold and her feet find the surface of the tar, hundreds of hands emerging from the putrid liquid, the sight of materializing BTs beating and clawing at the door, their horrible hollow gasps and moans scaring off the guards barking at her door, backing up against the wall in crippling fear. 

“Alarm? What alarm?” Higgs asks. Valerie takes no regard in answering his question as she takes his arm and urgently starts pulling him towards the growing angry sea, rushing to get him to the water as she violently pulls him along with her.

“Val, wait! Hold on a second, what’s wrong?!” Higgs protests against Valerie’s death grip tightening around his wrist, the pull and force becoming painful.

“ _ Gotta get you back to your body! Can’t have Daddy finding out about you, won’t let him take you away from me… _ ” She explains but it hardly resolves any queries Higgs still has. She’s in a full on panic to get him back into the water, the adrenaline spiking in her veins, unsure how much longer she’d be able to hold the guards back.

They’ve waded out far enough into the sea as she turns to meet his gaze, her hands reaching up for his shoulders. 

“ _ Follow your strand. It will take you back to your body. _ ” She quickly tells him.

“Valerie, just wait a second…” Higgs tries to plead with her again, panic rising in his chest. He hadn’t a clue what was going on but it was clear that she was trying to keep him from something or rather, protect him from it. 

Her hands fumble and slip for a grip on his shoulders, her mind having an extremely hard time keeping up with the beach and her body back in the lab, trying to weigh the both of them to keep them balanced. 

“ _ Listen to me! Listen, _ ”she nearly begs, her hands finding purchase on his face, cradling his jaw in her palms. “ _ It won’t hurt but it might make you a little drained. It is essential that you get back to your body, do you understand me?! When I shove you under, do not hesitate! I can only keep them held back for so long! I… will not have the one good thing I’ve got going for myself taken away! _ ” It’s the last thing she says to him before aggressively shoving him down into the water, the magnitude of the force sending Higgs flying under the current, watching Valerie’s form break away from his vision. Still riddled with confusion, he does what she had instructed him to do, turning over in the sea in search of his strand. The clock was ticking and he had little time to float around and observe. 

It wasn’t hard to locate his strand, a long flowing golden fiber pointing him home, it’s gleaming shade glimmering in the darkness of the undersea. He wastes no time in swimming towards it, dodging past frantic manta rays and jellyfish. When he reaches his limbo body, he doesn’t have a clue what to do next as she hadn’t told him how this was going to work. He’s heard of this place before, a massive layout like the seam but it wouldn’t make any sense to be because Higgs wasn’t a repatriate. He hadn’t died either. Call it instinct, maybe intuition but it came natural to him to reach out to his individual, his hands mere inches from its face when in itself comes alive, its eyes opening and looking into his own as it’s hand collides with his wrist and finishes the bonding of their particles. In an instant flash, he’s sent back into his own world, free falling from the sky out in the Central Region near Lake Knot, barreling fast towards his bunker. The last thing his soul witnessed being the voidout he had caused what seemed like so long ago, across the way from his home before shifting through the ceiling of his shelter and falling face first back into his body, the collision jump starting his body once again as he sits up in a bout of surprise and frenzy.

“Valerie? Valerie!” His broken voice calls out for her as he re-familiarizes himself with the comfort of his bunker as his legs scramble for purchase as he shuffles up and onto his feet. She had been right, it hadn’t hurt but damn, he felt more tired now than he had originally remembered. His chest rose and fell with urgency as he clambered towards the still littered white board, erasing a spot so he could write. 

**_Valerie?_ **

He receives no reply.

**_I made it. Are you alright?_ **

Still, no response.

He’s still pretty shaken from the line of events that had happened, his limbs trembling as he continued to try and get his bearings. However, Valerie’s lack of response and prolonged silence has him highkey concerned, afraid that something had happened to her. She had thrown him under into that seam, shielded him from possible danger. She had protected him. 

It became quite evident that she wasn’t going to be able to reply to him and that fact alone was making Higgs feel defeated. He need not be dishonest with himself though, he was scared to death that she was being hurt, suffering extreme consequences of her actions. Valerie wasn’t allowed to use her powers outside of tests but she had broken the rules, had severed all of them… all in an attempt to be closer to him, that dedication of loyalty shown to him and only him. He had become something more to her than he ever thought possible, the importance of his role in her life now being jeopardized. He feared for her, for the possibility that he would never get to converse with her, never get to see her ever again. Her father could kill her if he wanted to, Higgs is almost certain of it. 

He can still feel her hand in his, her soft fingers caressing his rough calloused palms. And he can hardly believe that he’s already missing the way she felt against him as she had leaned into their embrace.

The few small remnants of black chiral strands waft freely from her forearms and shoulders as the guards finally manage to get the door open. They don’t make it far though as the furious tar comes crashing out at them, knocking them violently off their feet and flooding out into the hallway. She’s lost in herself completely and the high of chiral poisoning singing through her veins that she’s hardly aware of her will manipulating the slippery oil, the ravenous hands of BTs clutching and grabbing at the guards, sucking and pulling them under the tar as they struggle not to choke in the fight for their lives. She’s unaware of the pass of time, that the few guards that had been sent to detain her have been killed, lying motionless and smothered in tar. 

The awful stench of chiralium burns Valerie’s father’s nose as he rounds the corner on his way to her room. He pays no attention to the deceased staff as he walks past them, doing his best not to slip on the now slickened floor. He wastes absolutely no time in rounding the frame of her door, a sedative dart gun raised to aim at her as he fires but even in his finesse, she’s chillingly quicker than he nor the weapon was, catching the sedative filled syringe mid projectile and destroying it, her mind crushing it into dust. 

His eyes can only bore into hers, thoughts of astonishment yet a look of severe disappointment and fury printed in his orbs as he looks upon her compromised state. Valerie can only glare back, knowing better than to dare make a sound or plea to explain herself. She had broken the rules and would suffer harshly the consequences that were about to ensue. She had really fucked herself over this time… she’d never get to speak nor see Higgs ever again.

Alexander Fowler licks his dry chapped lips before shuffling towards her.

“Young lady… do you have any idea…” He starts but trails off, his stern and harsh voice meeting her. He looks away, his eyes finding the filthy floor beneath them. He couldn’t look at her, absolutely repulsed and appalled at what she had attempted, what she had done and  _ how _ she had done it yet completely enthralled in her power, enamored in the degree of her abilities. Her DOOMS level had spiked, uncontrollably, he theorizes. Behind him, two more guards had shown up to take place, waiting outside the door for orders to be announced.

“Suit her up and take her to the containment room. Precautionary measures are to be put in place as well.”

Alexander can only stand and watch as the guards make great haste in detaining his daughter while she was weakened. His eyes follow them to the door and the most pitiful of apologies meets him, Valerie’s inner voice laced with fear.

“ _ I am sorry, Daddy. _ ”

He all but ignores her plea as he turns to survey the rest of the room. She had made a goddamn mess this time, it’d take hours to clean up the tar, not to mention ridding the room of chiral matter. Glimmering gold meets his gaze as he finds the golden rimmed tablet he had given to her lying amongst her blankets on her bed. He crosses the room to look at it and finds the conversation she had been having with someone, their answers to each other still written on the surface. It only makes him angrier to know that she had disobeyed rules, that she had not only reached out to an outsider but had harbored enough strength to do it. 

And to make it all worse, his baby girl, his pride and joy that he had worked so hard to protect was not only talking to someone but a  _ boy _ , a  _ man _ . 

The name Higgs rings a very high bell and he sure as shit hopes that it’s not the  _ Higgs _ he’s thinking of…

…

A week had passed since Higgs’ very close glimpse with Valerie and while he had been diligent to try and reach out to her every morning, he never receives a response. The worry was eating him alive, he thought about her on the constant and she had started frequently showing up more often in his dreams. It was clear that they had a platonic relationship going for themselves yet Higgs’ dreams had somewhat seemed to betray him, settling in situations that were most definitely  _ not  _ platonic. He felt somewhat ashamed, greedy that he had thought of her in that way in the first place but it wasn’t like he could hardly help it. Higgs had kept himself from anyone ever since he had left the shelter, fearful that he’d just get hurt all over again. He was foolish enough to think that she’d feel the same way about him.  _ God _ , she probably didn’t even know what it meant to be sexually frustrated. 

Yet his body longed for something, for  _ her _ , the inappropriate dreams becoming more of a nuisance than he ever was. 

_ You fool, Higgs. You should have known this was too good to be true. Went and made an ass of yourself again, Monaghan.  _

He should be formulating a plan, an agenda, fuck, something. He should be trying to help her but he had little choice in the matter. He hadn’t the faintest idea of where she could possibly be and even if he could muster enough strength to attempt to jump to her, there was no guarantee that he could get himself back, let alone another body. He didn’t want to give up on her but with the little options he had, it was starting to become easy to relax in defeat. He hardly wants to go there, to accept the possibility but with each passing day of her prolonged silence, it was only obvious that she could have been dead. 

It’s the first time he’s gotten drunk in years as he stares blankly at the last remnants of their last held conversation along with the attempts he had been trying all week. He couldn’t bring himself to erase them. He hasn’t felt this sad nor alone since he was a child, crying himself to sleep on that cot back in that stifling bunker. Sorrowful tears stream down from the corners of his eyes and he can’t even be bothered to wipe them away. 

_ Stupid… you should have told her to fuck off. Why did you let yourself get sucked in Monaghan? _

It’s dumb and he knows it but he can’t help but want to try and reach out to her, to assure her that he was still here, that he wanted to help her… that he cared about her, for her, that he… he…

“Valerie, please…” He nearly begs in a soft whisper, the hand that didn’t hold a bottle coming up and planting on the white board that had connected them. 

“Please come back to me.” He wishes into the bleak air of his bunker, dying for a response, something, anything. 

He continued to cry still but it was as if it wasn’t as such, more like tears forming and spilling down from chiral allergies, a natural reaction in consideration with DOOMS which didn’t make any sense because that only happened when…

“ _ She’s not dead. _ ” A voice reaches his ears. It’s instinct to address the noise as Higgs sluggishly turns to where he heard the voice come from yet it’s anything from what he was expecting. His eyes widened at the sight of Valerie standing in the corner opposite from him, absolutely drenched in tar, dripping in it and chiral gold, particles of chiral matter rolling off her form and dissipating into air accompanied with a confident look in her eye that puzzled him. The voice had been her own but laced with something else, something demonic, something impure. Her pupils were blown wide and rimmed with gleaming chiral gold. He stared at her, mouth agape in disbelief. He was more drunk off his ass than he had realized, had to be. Not that it called for it but he was hallucinating, for fuck’s sake…

“And who the hell are you?” Higgs asks against his better judgement. This wasn’t real, he had to be dreaming.

“ _ Valerie’s mother. You can call me Katherine. Deity of Disarray. _ ” She so confidently declares. Higgs can’t help but snort, recognizing the title. Yep, he was definitely drunk.

“Don’t you mean the Embodiment of Chaos,  _ Apophis _ .” Higgs confidently adds, deciding to humor her. He knew Egyptian mythology like the back of his hand and was quick to connect the dots easily. Valerie’s  _ mother _ sports a quite satisfied grin in his connection.

“ _ You know your Ancient Egyptian history well, Higgs. _ ” She tells him, impressed. 

“I’ve had a lot of time on my hands since I was young. What else to do with it than read.” Higgs confesses. “Where’s your trusty serpent?”

“ _ The serpent is not mine to conjure. It’s Valerie’s. _ ” She corrects him. He shuts his eyes, shuddering at the astounding tip given to him. 

“Valerie’s? 

“ _ Remember your Lion? It’s the same thing but Valerie’s is a serpent. Waiting for the right moment and not a moment too soon. He’s grown desperately famished. _ ” 

Higgs is completely and utterly baffled yet so captivated by this, eager to hear more.  _ Valerie could summon BTs and leviathans? How in the fuck... _

“Where’s Valerie?”

“ _ I told you, she’s not dead. She’s in the mountains. _ ”

“The mountains!? The fuck?” Higgs scrunches his brow. She was  _ that _ far away and had still been able to reach him.

“ _ You care about my daughter Valerie? _ ”

The question takes him off guard, blinking blankly in the search for an answer.

“I mean, I’m her friend, I-”

“ _ Oh, don’t lie to yourself, Higgs. Those--vivid nightly dreams of yours tell otherwise. _ ” Her mother so boldly offers, the statement rising heat in his cheeks, his face becoming hot. 

“It’s rude to go snooping, y’know.” Higgs tries to defend himself, unsuccessfully.

“ _ Don’t play games with me Monaghan. You didn’t think it rude when she went snooping herself, hm?” _ Katherine snides in a lustrous tone that hauntingly sends a thrill through Higgs. The familiar scent of chiralium fills the void of his tiny bunker and even though he’s already tipsy, he seems to get even drunker off the fumes, the high of chiralium starting to sink in and accelerate its way through his veins. Whoever this person, this-- _ entity _ was, they sure knew how to pacify him against his screaming nerves.

“She thinks you’re dead.” 

“ _ My Ha is but my Ka remains. She’ll find out soon enough, I assure you. You care about her,”  _ she repeats, persistent in her drive for verification as she begins to walk towards him, her footprints staining his floor black with remnants of gold. Higgs can’t bring himself to affirm it verbally, scared of what it would mean but opts in swallowing hard against his dry throat and nodding at her question, hypnotised by the ring of glimmering gold that outlined her pupils and the tranquility he continued to feel under her charm.

“ _ She’s going to break loose and she’s going to come here. You need to be prepared so I’d get to work if I were you. You need to take care of her, she needs you. You mean more than the world to her yet you hardly deem yourself worthy of it. She trusts you beyond all doubt or regard. She longs to be with you, body, mind and soul, something she’s never felt for anyone or anything before. She needs to be cared for, to be taught, loved and looked after. Something her father could never do. She’s still young but she’s missed out on so much. You could show her the world, be her guidance. Bestow upon her the very forbidden affection you both so greatly covet, if she is so bravely willing of letting you of such devotion, such closeness. You need not be afraid nor apprehensive. You could love her, as long as you're willing to allow it of yourself. She loves you but I’m most certain you won’t believe it until she has the courage to tell you herself. So tell me, Higgs,”  _ she reaches him, his back plastered against the wall as her soaked fingers cup underneath his chin, cradling his jawline like it was worth more than gold. _ “Can I count on you to take care of her? _ ”

She waits patiently for his reply of compliance but Higgs is too distracted, too buzzed and soaring off the chiralium singing through his veins at her touch, the kind of euphoric intoxication he’s only been given by one other…  _ person _ .

“You said she’s going to break loose. How is she going to do it?”

“ _ That is entirely up to her, darlin’ _ .” She playfully mocks him. “ _ I still await your answer. _ ”

The chiralium spikes in his system, making him shudder with extreme elation.

“I made a deal with the devil once before and I’m not about to do it again.” Higgs replies, begrudgingly removing her hand from his skin. Katherine furrows her brows in the defiance shown against her. “But for her--I’ll do it for her. I promise to take care of her and keep her safe. For her sake.” 

Pleased with his answer, Katherine smirks triumphantly as she slowly backs away against Higgs protesting nerves. He could drown in the high that was her being, wanting to absolutely engulf himself in it but he’s quick to remind himself that this isn’t her. This isn’t  _ Valerie _ .

“ _ We shall meet again Higgs, I foresee, hmm?”  _ She hums to him in extreme amusement, a more than satisfied smirk perched on her lips that makes Higgs feel slightly uneasy before teleporting out of existence, the particles crackling like fire with her jump.

Higgs feels numb and still in a haze as he stares longingly at the spot Valerie’s form had jumped from. His gaze lingers over the footprints she had left, mounds of black shining tar glaring back at him.

Higgs scoffs with a rub to his tired swollen eyes. “Bitch, you could have at least cleaned up your mess before you left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where I pulled this from out of my head but... it's here? I hope everyone is staying safe during quarantine. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! More to come! 
> 
> My tumblr: https://crystaldwightsworld.tumblr.com/


End file.
